Yesterday I worked out awesome. I lost weight one or two pounds yesterday. It's kinda hard to tell with waterin me and clothes. I did lose weight though. I ate one piece of toast for yesterday's breakfast. By the time OI got off work I was lightheaded and ate an ice cream cone. Just the cone. It's twenty cals and took the edge off. Went out to Downtown Disney and had drinks at Planet Hollywood. I never drink but every once in a blue moon. I hate the way alchol makes me feel, but I just wanted to have a good time. After I had a drink and a small garden salad and a few french fries to soak up the booze, I couldn't do it. The feeling of fullness overcame me, the fear of being drunck which is a nightmare for me. Going to the restroom, I stuck my fingers down my throat and barfed loudly. Even though I knew people could hear, the shame was not there to stop me. It's me OR THE FOOD. I threw up everything I could, and listened to the voices outside in the restroom. One of those ladies who is there to hand you soap and lotion soemtimes at night clubs was at the sink. I pressed myself to the bathroom wall preparing for the walk of shame to face her. I sighed and slowly headed out, eyes red and the smell of vomit on my body. I couldn't look her in the eye, but I could hear the jolly kind voice of a black lady and see the bottle of soap she handed to me.
" Are you alright, Sweetie?"
"Yes, I just drank to fast. I never drink." I wash my hands.
" Just take it slow out there."
"Thank you, I'll be alright. I'm not driving."
Going out to face the crowd, my friend said." You threw up ,didn't you?"
I nodded. Something about the way he doesn't judge me makes me feel so much better. I know it's "bad" and I don't need people telling me what I already know. Love me, don't judge me. Throwing up makes me happy in many ways.
Going home for the night, I had a long twisted nightmare that I had this Dad who was trying to kill me and always raped me. I was just a little girl plotting my escape. The nightmare seemed to go on forever. I woke up at 330 am from part one, and then at 830 am I woke up from part two. The ending was good. I tricked him to go into the bedroom and wait for me while I went to the bathroom. Plotting my escape, he found me and I just had enough time to grab onto a balloon and fly into the sky. The ending he was thrwn into a jail where the guards abused him and threw old chicken bones at him.
I dream about food a lot. I'm a vegeterian, and I will have dreams that Im eating a plate of ribs. Yuck. Time to shower, work out, and work. Hvae a great day!@:-)