thehappyana (thehappyana) wrote in anorexicfriend,

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To contact me

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Is my boyfriend going to be with me through this thing? When he met me, I wasn't in a hard year of ana. I was in a recovery kind of thing. I just ate pretty much normal and hid my body with hoodies, but always felt ashamed. I actually used a lot of ephedra when it was still in diet products. I used a ton of it, it so great I could go for three or four days without touching anything to eat. Wehn they took it off the market, i didn't know what was going to truly help my metabolism. I heard that taking those pills messes up your metabolism in the long run,so I thought I could never lose weight again no matter how I looked. The thing that made me determined to lose weight again is that my mother made very mean comments to me last summer when she saw me. She hadn't seen me in like three years and alll she would do is talk about my weight, which I didn't know was bad. I thought I was just a normal girl. It made me so tearful and upset, I never wanted to talk to her again. I didn't think I would. My boyfriend wanted to give me workout clothes for Christmas, and even if hsi only intent was because he knew I was woking out and needed some clothes, it still hurt and screamed" you're not thin enough for me." So my ana behavior started creeping up again. Ana screams" why diet? just do it my way, the only way to lose weight." Starving and throwing up have become a daily cycle which I enjoy like people enjoy their favortie tv show; I look forward to not eating, to throwing up. It gives me feelings of happiness and accomplishment. Today I'm just going to drink water and maybe some caffiene. Going to have  apiece of whole wheat toast early on and eat nothing for the rest of the day. Even that feels like a lot. Goood luck today, you are beautiful so let yourself shine.:-)
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